Triumph – #LoveAndie

Think of a time when you had to choose or make a major decision -

Is it time for a new car, if so what do I get?
Should you place an offer on that house you've been eyeing?
Contemplating quitting or changing jobs,
Is it too late to change careers?
I don't know about you, but I've had to make so many decisions in my life, many of which didn't always turn out the way I had hoped or anticipated.
Maybe it's a failure schema or the old "once bitten twice shy" but as a result I tend to ruminate far longer than is necessary and end up in a vicious cycle of analysis-paralysis!
The following is a peek at one of my decisions-

"Should you?"

--Inwardly thinking--
Remember how you felt when '"that idea" popped into your head for the 287th time?
It always started as a small spark that you entertained momentarily, then quickly extinguished and buried. Here it is again, this time loud, like the shattering of glass; pieces falling to the floor with each new detail.

"How are you gonna pay the bills?" *Crrr-ack*!

"Will you even be able to cut it?" *Cr-aaashhh*!

I go to the familiar website and re-read the information for the umpteenth time..

"High school diploma; well DUH, I have an associates." I mutter..

"Full-Time 5-6 months, excellerated. I think the program at MCC was a slower pace and 12 months!"

The thought of not working for a year possibly more, fills me with dread and panic.

"5-6 months it is." Eye-roll.
"Entrance Assessment, what in the actual Fuck? I haven't taken a test in 25 years!" I reach for the glass of wine and take a long slow swallow,

Looking at the glass, "Sorry liquid courage, it looks like we're headed for a break-up, I have to tighten my belt."

I click the hyperlink "Registration"

"What am I doing?!?" I inwardly scream.

I finally took the plunge and decided to go back to school.

"5 months full-time?" I do the math and realize with my meager savings, I can "survive" maybe another 3 months while I look for a job.

That old familiar voice taunts me, tries to stop me--
"You're not smart enough!",
"Who are you kidding Andie, you're gonna flunk-out",
"Do you remember how long it took you to get your Associates?",
"Even IF you did complete this program, no one will hire you!",
"Think about all of the younger guys/gals that will graduate when you do.",
"You'll never make it, you're going to quit".

I take another slug of wine, the dry warmth slides over my tongue, and down my throat warming as it goes. The negative internal dialogue burns away as it continues downward.
Setting the glass of wine down, I forge ahead.

"I'm entering a program that will challenge my brain, could potentially be grueling, but I've always liked a challenge, I freaking thrive on them."

Triumphantly, I hit "submit"

#LoveAndie